"i'm going to die alone"

Currently listening to The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice.

I love waking up in a $600/night Madison Suite king bed (room 1612) at the Omni Hotel. Annie and I had a great conversation yesterday. She asked me how I plan on living the lifestyle I live while working for the public (sector). In a sense, I guess her question made me think a lot about why I do what I do...

• why a master of public administration?
  
• why finance?
  
• why move to nyc this time next year?
  
• what do i really want for myself?

I guess I just think a lot about my future and how to plan things strategically so that I could have what I've always dreamed of... Maybe I'm being an "overly melodramatic teenager," but often I think about how I just might die alone.

In my past, I feel like there have been a number of women in whom I found much interest--even right now in my life; yet, sometimes I feel that these feelings may not be mutual though I feel like they're reciprocated. I'm not sure of what else to say, except I often feel confused.

Last night, I went out... Dinner with friends, the meatpacking district (once again), Absolutely 4th... After 2 glasses of wine and 4 martinis (coconut, sour apple, banana creme, chocolate covered strawberry), I got a really good buzz goin. I took Gerald and Chelsea on a cab ride around town: ground zero, up West End [looking at apartments], and Gray's Papaya to have the Recession Special.

...back to my giant bed to wallow alone.

For those of you wanting to hear more about the simulation, I'm currently reviewing my State of the Union address and will meet with my cabinet and staff tonight to make final revisions to my speech.