Scared

Martha always told me that I could do it and that I'm going to do well wherever I go. She was the first person to ever tell me to run for office. She said that she sensed it even in my paper application.

As an update, I've made it official: I have accepted my offer of admission to the Master of Public Administration program at the Maxwell School. They're offering me a generous financial award: full-tuition scholarship... And, after negotiating, I've been offered a position as a special assistant in minority recruitment to the director of admissions; this should pay for my housing. =)

At this point, though... I'm really scared. Don't get me wrong, one of the main reasons I chose the Maxwell School over NYU and Carnegie Mellon was that the program is only 1 year long. If I enter the program this year, I begin on July 05 and I walk (from what I understand) on July 01 2006. It's insane to think that in about one year, and at the age of 23, I'll have my Masters degree.

I'm scared because I recently met some of the coolest people in my life. On a recent occasion, a good friend of mine called me at about 4am, asking if I was okay because I had to drive home in the middle of the night to take care of my sister (who was going through some tough times)... All of this after I drove from San Francisco to San Jose to Santa Cruz... I never imagined that she would call me to see if I was okay, but she told me that that's what friends were for. All of them were together, hoping that I was okay. To be quite honest, I've never felt so valued in my life. Don't get me wrong... I've felt really privileged to outreach to young people in high schools and to help out where I can in supporting my community and our allies--through the work I do at e2. But, to have genuine friends--people you don't work with and who want to kick it just because--care for you and welcome you into their community. I gotta say, it's amazing.

And after these past few months, building bonds with people I would trust my life with, trust anything with... [PPIA folks, it's almost like PPIA.] I'm scared to lose them. I wish, just as many of them do, that this dream life would never end. It's a scary feeling to be told, "You've graduated... What are you going to do with your life now?"

I know my parents will support me until the end, and I know that I can turn to my cousins for anything... But as of this moment, what I want right now more than anything, is to experience life with the people I've grown to trust and become good friends with. So what if I have my Masters degree in a year... What do I do next? Get a great job??? Is that it? I'll feel accomplished, but I hope that I'll be able to celebrate with my friends.

It's sad to say though, just as Rem put it last nite... We only have 7 weeks (of school) plus 4 weeks (of summer) to cry.

I'll miss you guys so much, but more than anything, I'll hella love you guys until the end.