So... What happened last nite?

I don't have much to say, but I do know some stuff from what people have told me...

• I tried to buy the bar
• I accused the bartenders of discrimination
• I spat at a bartender/bouncer
• I read Eisen his rights
• I was possibly punched by a bouncer and my left eye is swolen and somewhat blue/black
• I tripped and my camera and wallet fell out of my pocket and my left shoulder hurts for some reason
  
• I was on my knees at the club for some reason
  
• I yacked all over
• A friend of mine ended up having a bouncer's cell phone
  
• The charge to my credit card for the round of drinks was only $96.00... UPDATE: there might be a charge for $260, but my credit card company shows no record of that charge...
  
• All the cash in my wallet (and my Blockbuster membership card and various receipts) is gone
  
• We almost had a run-in with the cops

If anyone could provide further details about my St. Patrick's Day evening, I would grately appreciate it. [Read: please comment.]