The Long Wait

iTunes: Come With Me

I guess I'm beginning to get scared about things. As a graduating senior, there are lots of things going through my mind. For 16 years I will have dedicated myself to a life of study and learning, but I will soon arrive at a crossroads; my friends and I are all in the same place, but I've probably been thinking about it for a while longer.

I've sent applications into various graduate schools. My motivation to continue studying--to gain a graduate degree in public policy--comes from all of the harm that the W has done to our nation and world. In 4 years, there will be a lot to fix.

Regardless, I am at a crossroads.

I wonder a lot about what I'll be doing in the next few years. I know for certain that I want to make my parents happy. So far, I've gotten an undergraduate college scholarship that paid for much of my tuition. The only things my parents have paid for are my food, housing, and "living" expenses. In graduate school, my parents will probably pay less, as I'll have tuition paid for and a stipend, which will hopefully cover much of my food and housing.

I think that what I worry about the most is my love life... Yes, I've said it. I'm pretty worried that in the future, I may never find anyone. I'll never forget what my ex said to me one night. She and I were cuddling in her bed, as she began to cry. She said that every night before she went to bed, before she and I were together, she prayed to God, asking for someone that would care for her and love her. She said that God answered her prayers when she and I were together.

For me, I have begun to pray and turn to God again. I've asked for guidance in life, trying to figure out whether or not I should go directly to grad school. I've asked him to help my sister, who isn't necessarily an example to my younger cousins. But, I've begun to pray for that which my ex asked for years back.

As I've said in previous posts, I think that I've met lots of people that I think I could love. I guess I never learned what you do after you think you like somebody; what you do next. I think for me, however, it seems that lots of the people I find interest in are already taken. Certainly, I'm glad for them if they're happy. Genuinely, I hope that things work out for the best for them.

What am I saying? I guess, while I am not searching for that someone, I hope that I run into her sometime soon... But then again, in grad school, will I have any time for a relationship? I hope I do.