i have not found love

2.53am, saturday 05 february 2005

i write, looking out into the ocean. truly, i can't see it because it's so dark, but i can hear the wind and the waves, crashing against the rocks near me.

tonight was interesting, but i think it has opened my eyes up to the world that i was in, and the world i wish so many people would stay away from... let's put things in perspective.

to be quite frank, i was one of those boyfriends who was possessive and didn't understand the concept of trust. for more than 2 years, i exposed my (ex)girlfriend to the ugliness that one finds in someone who doesn't understand the meaning of love and that which makes it strong: trust, hope, and perseverance. ultimately, these are the bonds that make a friendship strong. these are the things that make us love our friends until the end. these are what make friendship unique. but more importantly, these are the qualities that one should seek and have in a relationship--a relationship of love and friendship.

it frustrates me when i see a man distrust his partner, or when a woman distrusts her partner. so many times, i wonder if it truly is love that these two individuals have. perhaps, i myself, am blind--perhaps what these people have is love. however, i don't see it as that.

i see this distrust and lack of understanding as a bond that is not strong. i see this distrust and lack of guidance as a bond that is not strong. in fact, i can't understand--but i would think that this is a lack of love.

most importantly, i must tell all of you out there--those who do not trust or understand--get over yourselves. i discovered it myself with my ex. i realized after all that i had done that i needed to overcome the fear that i had within myself, finding the self-confidence that one must possess in order to encounter the true love that we all deserve.

and i guess this is why i write tonight--i wish that so many individuals could learn the lesson that i have learned. trust one another, love one another, and be true to one another.

things get interesting when you don't know everything about the person you love... things get interesting when you learn something new about the person you love each day... things get interesting when you find out that there are so many other reasons for you to love this person that you thought you knew everything about.

to be honest, i feel like some of my friends are in these types of relationships. and i hurt dearly for them. i don't pity their status or the situations they're in; rather, i worry that they may get stuck in the lifestyles they live, unable to discover the promise that lies within true love.

believe me: i have not found true love. i have found people that i believe i could love... i guess i just need to expose myself to the possibilities that lie within fate, hope, and faith. regardless, i hope that many of you discover and understand my point: trust the one you love. without trust and understanding, nothing will blossom.

this probably goes along with the whole saying about sand... with sand, if you caress it and hold it gently, you will be able to hold on to it forever... however, if you squeeze it tightly, possessively, and without trusting that you won't lose it, the sand will merely fall out of your hands.

*nite